Untitled as of yet
by mintyfresh69
Summary: Shigure's house suddenly has two new guests that can scare even the head of the Sohma family half to death. Includes outtakes and side stories.
1. Arrival of the Two Terrors

Yar! This story doesn't have a name yet! I'm disappointed with myself. However! This is the longest chapter one I've ever written in my life. Ok, this is rated 16+ for a reason, several actually. Language, for one. Questionable themes such as suicide and homosexuality. That's not all it's about though because it's supposed to be drama/comedy/romance. So if any of the aforementioned things offend you, I suggest you either deal with them or leave. Otherwise, enjoy.

Disclaimer: Iclaim no ownage onFruits Basket. If I did, it would be much different. I do howeverclaim ownage onShinasuke, Tokimi, Shiori, George, Tobias Hawkins, and the Editors(see outtakes). Thank you.

i. ×Arrival of the Two Terrors ∙

He stalked out of the house, not bothering to close the door, and headed toward the city. What the hell was he thinking? He knew they'd never have done anything like that for him. No one except Tohru, that is, but she wasn't there right now. Not paying attention to where he was going, he ran into someone going the other direction, and poof! Orange smoke engulfed him as he transformed into a cat. He looked around to make sure no one had seen, before shoving his clothes off the sidewalk with great difficulty, and sat down behind a convenient brick wall.

"Mreow?"

He started at the sound. Looking to his right, he saw a pretty silver-white female—or so he presumed—cat staring at him. _Oh great, _he thought. _Just what I need. _He shook his head and looked at the ground.

"You really should watch where you're going" a voice said. It sounded female and came from the right.

Kyo looked at the white cat. "You... can talk?" he asked.

"Yes" the cat said. "And it would seem that you can too. So you're the zodiac cat, ne?"

Kyo was astonished. "How do you know about that?"

"Relax!" The white cat held up a paw. "I'm one of them too."

"Are you a Sohma?"

"Yes."

"And where are you going in such a hurry?" the orange cat asked. "You do realize what could have happened?"

"I do" she replied. "But I have to see Akito-chan immediately."

Kyo suddenly looked at her suspiciously. "That doesn't explain why we both transformed if we're both in the zodiac."

"Hmm... it's probably because we're the same animal."

Kyo sighed. "Well, I have to go home anyway so I might as well go with you..."

"Do you live at the main house?"

"No but—" Poof! Orange smoke and a naked Kyo drew giggles from the white cat. "It's not funny!" he snapped.

"Yes, well, at least I have sense enough to be prepared" she replied.

She crawled under a black t-shirt that looked a few sizes too big and sat there, waiting. Not five seconds later a puff of white smoke surrounded her, revealing her true self. She had waist length hair that faded from black at the roots to dark purple near the bottom and then white-blonde at the tips. Her skin was rather light and there were scars as well as fresh cuts on her arms. Her eyes were a honey-brown colour, slightly unnatural looking in comparison to her hair, and her nails were painted black. She pulled on her jeans as she stood up and then slipped on a pair of black high-top Converse. Kyo, who had turned around when she transformed, was surprised to feel her hand on his shoulder.

"Shall we go then?" she asked, and they started toward the Sohma Estate.

—————————

"I'm home!"

Tohru Honda's voice rang through the house to no reply but itself. She walked into the kitchen and set her bags on a counter, then went to look around the house. "Yuki-kun? Kyo-kun?" She knocked on the door to Shigure's office to find it already open. "Shigure-san?" She sighed, realizing she'd never been completely alone in the house before.

"You won't find them here" a voice said behind her.

She whirled around to find Ayame, Momiji and Hatori sitting in the living room. It was Hatori who had spoken.

"What are you doing here?" Tohru asked. "What have you done with them?"

"Relax Tohru-kun" Ayame said. "We haven't done anything to them. My dear brother and Gure-san were summoned to the main house. As for Kyo..."

"We have no idea where he is" Hatori said calmly. "He got into a fight with Yuki and ran off somewhere."

Tohru sighed. "As usual..."

She sat down on the couch next to Momiji, who semi-glomped her and turned into a rabbit sitting her lap. Tohru smiled and hugged him back, receiving a disapproving look from Hatori.

"Ha'ri, what are we doing here?" the rabbit asked as he crawled up onto Tohru's shoulder.

"Shigure asked us to stay here and wait for Honda-san to get back" Hatori replied.

"And watch the house" Ayame put in.

Tohru leaned back and hummed. _I wonder where Kyo-kun ran off to, _she thought. _He couldn't have gone far, and he's got to come back. Oh, I'm worrying too much again._

"Tohru-chan?" Momiji asked. "Are you ok?"

"Yes, it's just..."

"You've never been alone here before" Ayame finished her sentence for her. "Not to worry! We will stay to keep you company."

Tohru sighed. She felt so loved here, even though they weren't her real family. She felt like she belonged here, not like an onigiri anymore. She giggled as Momiji the rabbit pressed his nose against her face.

"Guess what, Tohru-chan!" he said happily.

"You're joining the army?" Tohru joked.

The rabbit shook his head. "Nein, nein, silly Tohru-chan. My onee-chan is coming to live at the main house!"

Tohru looked confused. "Momo-chan?"

"Nein" the rabbit replied. "Saké."

Ayame looked horrified. "Sa...ké?"

Hatori had a similar expression. "You've got to be kidding."

"Momiji does not kid" the rabbit said.

"Cook him" Ayame hissed, pointing a finger at the small white creature hiding behind Tohru.

"No!" Momiji exclaimed. "It's not my fault! Blame Akito-sama if you want to blame anyone."

"The kid's right Aaya-kun" Hatori said. "At least it's not Tokimi."

Ayame sighed. "You're right."

The rabbit laughed. "She is coming next week."

Ayame made to grab him around the neck, but the rabbit was already in Tohru's arms.

"Please don't fight" the girl asked.

The snake stopped dead. He had never heard her ask for something in the two years he'd known her. He sat down, defeated, but honouring Tohru's wish.

—————————

Kyo walked alongside the girl, wondering how she was related to the Sohmas if he'd never seen her before. Not even at New Year's. Then a thought dawned on him.

"Umm... does Akito-sama know you're here?"

The girl shook her head. "Well... no. But he will, and then I'll make him tell me where that damn rat is."

Kyo started. "Rat?"

"Yea."

"You're after him?"

"Since we were kids." She glanced at him sideways. "Why are you so interested?"

Kyo smirked. "Maybe we could join up..."

"Maybe" the girl sighed. "It's been so long. I don't even remember his name. What is it? Yoshi?... Yugi?..."

"Yuki" Kyo corrected.

"Like the snow" she muttered. "How could I forget? Ah, don't mind it. And so we arrive at my brothers' dwelling."

"Brother?"

She looked up. "Momiji-chan is my little brother" she explained. "Among others. I never introduced myself. My name is Shinasuke, but you can call me Saké."

"Saké?" Kyo asked. "Why's that?"

"You'll find out later" she replied with a smile. "We'll be seeing a lot more of each other in the near future... Kyo-kun." It never registered with Kyo that she'd called him by his name.

Then she turned, slid open the shoji-style front door and walked inside, sliding the door shut again. Inside she met an overjoyed Kisa, who hugged her and whispered a question in her ear. Saké replied with a simple no before looking around. All was as it was when she'd last been there, except for the door at the end of the east hall that was always closed. It stood open only slightly now, as if the room's occupant was about to leave but had been distracted. Akito's room. Hushed voices issued from inside. Saké left Kisa in the main hall and walked silently toward the door in question. One of the voices was unmistakably the head of the Sohma family. The other was an older version of someone she once knew. The third person in the room was silent. He didn't know why he was there and he felt extremely uncomfortable being in Akito's presence. Saké decided to risk knocking when the door was suddenly opened. The person's eyes widened as he stumbled backward in shock. Shigure, the infamous novelist. Akito, standing to the left of the doorway, had a look of utter terror on his face.

"Shina...suke...san?" he stammered.

The third person in the room was amazed that Akito was actually afraid of someone. Meanwhile, a grin spread across Shigure's face.

"Long time, no see, Saké" he greeted her.

"It has been a long time" she replied. "Shii-san."

"What brings you here?" the novelist asked.

Saké smiled. "I'm moving in."

Akito stepped back. "Not here you aren't!"

"No, of course not, onii-chan" Saké said. She looked at Shigure and shrugged. "Well?"

Shigure nodded. "Sure. It'd be great to have someone new at the house."

"Yes, now out with you" Akito ordered, practically shoving them all out of his room and closing and locking the door.

Shigure was too preoccupied in his musings about Akito's uncharacteristic behaviour and Saké calling him "onii-chan" to notice the knife Saké was holding to Yuki's throat.

"Thought you'd been rid of me, eh nezumi?" she hissed.

"Nice to see you too" Yuki replied, perfectly calm and unphased by this sudden threat.

Shigure looked at them blankly. "Now, now, children" he said nervously. "We don't need any more dead bodies to clean up than necessary."

The girl laughed softly as she replaced the knife in her pocket and wrapped her arm around Yuki's shoulders in a kind of sideways hug. The older boy returned the hug with a genuine smile.

"I can't wait until Tori–san and Aaya-kun find out I'm here" Saké mused.

Shigure looked at her as he walked backward down the hall. "They might already know" he said. "I left them at the house with Momiji. So, tell us, what possessed you to come back here?"

"Oh, just homesick I guess" she answered.

"You successfully escaped the Sohma web, only to return?" Yuki asked as he stepped out the front door.

"It's really not that great to be truly outside the family, you know" she told him. "To have all contact with the family severed is to be completely alone. You have no one to turn to if you get into trouble, especially considering the curse. Did you ever think of that, Yuki-kun?"

The boy sighed and shook his head. "I don't care. I still want out."

Saké nodded. "Alright. Good luck."

—————————

Momiji, human and fully clothed, stood at the doorway looking for any sign of an approaching person, but having seen none for the last ten minutes, he walked back to the couch and sat down. Ayame had fallen asleep for some reason and Hatori had taken Tohru somewhere to "warn" her about "all the terror" of Saké and Tokimi. So Momiji was left alone with the sleeping snake, who could wake up at any moment. A few minutes passed before the door was opened and Shigure and Yuki walked in, followed by...

"Saké-chan!" Momiji cried as he glomped his older sister.

"Momiji-chan!" Saké exclaimed, greeting him just as affectionately.

The sleeping Ayame was suddenly not asleep anymore upon hearing the rather loud greetings between siblings. He sat up, looked at Saké, covered his mouth, pointed at her, and made a strangled moaning sound before appearing to faint and fall off the couch in the process. This caused Hatori and Tohru to rush in, seeing what the commotion was about. They both immediately attempted to hide behind each other, unsuccessfully, and then went back to wherever they came from. Shigure sweatdropped and went to check on Ayame. Yuki muttered something to Saké, who shook her head and walked in the direction Hatori and Tohru had gone, which turned out to be the kitchen. Acting like she was ignoring them, she opened the refrigerator and took out a bottle of cold water.

"Shii-san!" she called, peeking around the corner. When he looked up, she tossed him the bottle and went back to in front of the refrigerator. Leaning against it and crossing her arms, she stared at Hatori. "I'm disappointed in you" she said. "Telling stories about my sister and me, whether they're true or not, and scaring this girl who doesn't even know us."

"I wasn't telling stories" Hatori replied. "I was just... warning her."

Saké shrugged. "Well, you and Aaya-kun should consider yourselves lucky."

"What? Why?"

"Because I'm living here, not at the main house" she said. "You know, I'd hate to cause Akito-chan any inconvenience. No, let's just face it; this goes way beyond sibling rivalry."

"Tohru-chan!" Momiji called as he skipped into the kitchen. "Can I move in too?"

"Momiji! We don't have any more rooms!" Shigure called after him.

"Shigure-san is right" Tohru replied. "Unless someone would be willing to share."

Saké grinned. "I could solve that problem..."

"Uh... I'd really rather you didn't" Shigure said.

Momiji pouted, but quickly cheered up, as it wasn't his nature to be unhappy. An orange head suddenly appeared in the doorway, its owner proclaiming hunger, to which Tohru automatically reacted, ridding the kitchen of people so that she could cook in peace.

As he passed Shigure, Kyo whispered "I need to talk to you."

The novelist followed Kyo into the study, wondering what this was about. He didn't want to ask, but he figured it had something to do with Saké.

"She's going to live here isn't she?" Kyo asked immediately after closing the door.

"Yes, why?" Shigure responded.

"I don't know if that's such a great idea" Kyo said, uncharacteristically serious.

"Why not?" Shigure looked suspicious.

Kyo dropped his voice. "She's a slitter, did you know?"

The novelist sighed with relief and even laughed a little. In reply he simply shook his head.

"What?" Kyo snapped. "It's not a laughing matter!"

Shigure looked at him seriously. "Let me tell you a little something" he began. "The last time any of the Sohmas saw or heard from Saké or her older sister Tokimi was about eight years ago, the reason being that they both successfully escaped the family. All ties to the rest of us were severed so you can imagine our shock when she randomly showed up outside Akito-sama's room. Saké was six years old. She'd started to cut herself when she was five, because of her eldest brother, Akito. He tortured her mentally and physically, much like he did Yuki. In a way, it's Saké's fault Yuki was hurt; he only was because she wasn't there. Of course, Tokimi was already too old and Akito knew she'd rebel against him the second he laid a hand on her. So he resorted to the younger and more vulnerable sister. Saké would cut herself to take away from the pain Akito caused and to punish herself for making someone else hurt. Once she could escape reality, she turned Akito's abuse back on him. He never touched her after that."

Kyo was silent for a moment before asking "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you need to know" Shigure continued. "There's nothing you can do for her. You can't take away memories she wants to keep. She won't let us erase them because they're a part of her. If they were gone, a piece of her would be missing, to put it as she did. She doesn't do it anymore because of Akito, but because she wants to. I don't understand it but it's what she does."

"You mean there's no apparent reason for it?" Kyo asked.

"No, no reason" Shigure said. "There's nothing wrong. I doubt if she even feels it."

Kyo sighed and nodded. He had his hand on the door handle when Shigure laid a hand on his arm.

"Don't try to help" he said. "Just think about what it would be like to be in her position. To have gone through what she has. Ok?"

Kyo nodded. "Ok."

"Shii-kun!" Saké called into the study after Kyo had exited the room. "Have you been telling stories about me again?"

"Yes, there seems to be a lot of that going on lately..." Hatori muttered absently.

Shigure shook his head. "No, no. Kyo was just a little worried, that's all."

Saké looked down at her arms and sighed. She picked at a small scab on a rather fresh cut, causing a single drop of blood to ooze out from behind it. Then she looked up at Kyo, smiling, and made the American peace sign with her fingers. Kyo raised an eyebrow and walked into the kitchen, while at the same time, Yuki came up from behind Saké and poked her in the side, getting from her a squeak and a return poke.

—————————

FOUR DAYS LATER, SOHMA MAIN HOUSE

Akito locked himself in his room the second he'd heard she was coming. First it was Shinasuke and now it was Tokimi. Who would be next, some long lost cousin named George? Maybe George was a bee, not even part of the zodiac but transformed anyway.

Kisa had tried to make Akito feel better and Hatsuharu had tried breaking down the door, but in the end, Hatori had told them to stop and just wait it out. So they did. And now Akito was locked in his room, letting only Hatori in to bring him food and check his stress level. But Tokimi never came. Maybe Shigure had talked her out of it, or maybe she'd never intended to see her brother in the first place. Akito had finally decided to come out of his room to get some fresh air, to find Shigure sitting on the couch reading one of his more risqué books. The novelist looked up and raised an eyebrow.

"Finally decided to come out of your room, have you?" he asked. Receiving a weird look from the head of the family, he stood up and gestured to the porch. "Let us go out to the porch."

Akito flinched from Shigure laying a hand on his shoulder, but followed him out to the porch and sat down in a decorative chair. Shigure eyed him, wondering whether he was still paranoid about Tokimi, even though she hadn't shown up yet. He decided not to try to make Akito talk, as that would most likely succeed in making him more silent. Then, surprisingly, he spoke.

"She's not coming" he whispered.

"What?" Shigure asked.

"Tokimi" Akito replied. "She's not coming. To see me, I mean."

Shigure shook his head. "I don't know. I haven't seen her."

"Hatori says I shouldn't worry."

"He's right. The worst she could do is kidnap you and threaten you with an axe."

Akito's lips curved upward ever so slightly. "Thank you so much..."

"You're welcome." Shigure smiled, never having seen Akito either sarcastic or happy.

Akito sighed. "If she goes to your house first, tell her... not to visit."

Shigure nodded just as there was a knock at the door. He glanced at the door and then at Akito to inquire as to whether he was expecting someone, but found only air where the head of the family had been. At loss for thoughts, he stood and opened the door; the one standing there was none other than Hatsuharu Sohma. Suddenly there was a rather loud slam from inside the house and what sounded like a picture frame falling off a wall. Haru laughed.

"I take it Akito-sama was expecting us" he said.

Shigure was about to ask who 'us' was when he saw a girl standing to the right of the door. She was about the same height as him, with black hair that fell almost to her knees with red and blonde streaks, and blood red eyes that made her look like she was possessed.

"The infamous Tokimi Sohma" Shigure said. "Wielder of the Megaton Axe-Hammer and the only person who can scare Akito-san more than her sister."

She laughed. "Oh, don't flatter me. Besides, I'm here to visit and nothing more."

Shigure's smile faded as he bowed his head a little. "He... doesn't want to see you."

"Well, he'll have to deal with her as long as I'm here" Haru said. "I mean, she's his sister; he can't just ignore her, especially with her living here."

Tokimi laid a hand on his head, causing him to flinch. "No, it's alright" she said. "I'll find somewhere else. I guess both of us are too much for him."

"Actually, Tokimi-san, Saké-kun is staying at my house" Shigure said.

"Hey, that's perfect" she replied. "I can stay there too."

"We... umm... don't have any more room" he said slowly.

Tokimi looked at him strangely. "But it's only you and Yuki-kun right?"

Shigure started walking away from the house, followed first by Haru and then by Tokimi. No one spoke for a long time. The idea of letting Tokimi know that they'd allowed someone who wasn't even a Sohma to know their secrets and live in their house was unnerving to both Shigure and Haru. Since she was a kid she'd been almost obsessed with keeping the family rules, even when she broke every other rule known to man. Who knew how she was going to react when she met Tohru. Tokimi stepped up to where Shigure was walking.

"Gure-san" she ventured. "It's not that you don't have room... but there's something you don't want me to know. Am I right?"

He was silent for a moment and then nodded. "Yes. But we really don't have any room."

—————————

Yuki was standing at the door when they arrived. He just watched as the three filed into the house. Haru stepped aside and hugged him, then drug him over to the couch and sat on him. Yuki merely shook his head and dealt with Haru's sitting on him. The younger boy wasn't very heavy despite his own claim that he weighed one hundred and twenty pounds. The only person who didn't doubt this was Yuki, who obviously knew what it was like to have the boy sit on him. He rested his head on Haru's shoulder and smelled his hair. Orange. It was then that Haru decided to turn around.

"I'm bored" he said after he'd settled himself comfortably in Yuki's lap. "Want to make out?" He was partly joking, but only partly, until Yuki said yes. Then he was entirely serious.

"But the others..." Yuki wondered aloud.

Haru shrugged. "Who cares? If they're smart they'll leave us alone." He grinned his black grin and held up a hand. "I call seme!"

Yuki snickered and tugged on the other boy's collar, pulling him down, meeting Haru's lips with his own.

—————————

The cat had once again been kidnapped by the boar. Saké had been chasing Kyo around trying to hug him when Kagura had arrived and tried to get between them. The one time Kyo was glad to see Kagura, it had ended in the worst possible way. He'd been hugged anyway, giving Kagura the perfect chance to take him away somewhere when he could put up no resistance. He'd finally gotten away from her and decided to go home. He walked in the front door and saw something he'd rather not even think about.

"Dammit guys, get a room!" he exclaimed, turning directly into the kitchen. That turned out not to be the greatest idea, because he nearly fainted at the sight of Tokimi. "No way. No, you did not bring her here too" he was saying more to himself than anyone else. "No. This isn't real... not happening..." He kept muttering as he walked out of the kitchen, up the stairs and into his room.

In the kitchen, Shigure and Tokimi had been carrying on a perfectly regular conversation until Kyo walked in. They'd fallen silent at that time and just watched blankly as he started muttering and stumbled away. Then the girl spoke.

"Think he's gone mad, Gure-san?" she asked.

Shigure shrugged. "Possibly. But wait until he finds out he'll have to share a room with Yuki-kun."

"I don't think that's possible" she replied.

"Why not?" he asked.

Tokimi pointed toward the living room. When Shigure moved closer to her, he realized she had a perfect view of Haru and Yuki if she leaned a bit to the right. He shook his head and sighed.

"Yes, that could be a problem" he said. "Of course, we could kick him out. Kyo-kun, I mean. Make him go live with Kagura-san or something."

"Or on the roof" Tokimi said. "You know how much he loves being up there."

"You and Saké could share Tohru-kun's room" Shigure suggested.

She shrugged. "We could."

Meanwhile, upstairs Saké was planning to videotape what she called "The Adventures of an Ox and a Rat." She'd even positioned cameras strategically throughout the house. The whole idea was partially for blackmail and partially for her own entertainment. Mostly the latter, probably. She took the smallest handheld video camera she had, some new American type, and snuck downstairs with it. She went directly into the living room and set it on the table and leaned back against a chair to read a book. Her guise might have been more convincing had the book not been upside-down.

Within a minute the boys had noticed her and decided, without speaking to her or each other, to go up to Yuki's room and lock the door and windows. Little did they know that one of her strategically positioned cameras had been positioned in the general location of Yuki's bed, strategically of course, and just happened to be turned on with a fully charged lithium battery.

×tbc ∙


	2. Side Story 1

Heh heh. This is written very amateurishly. I do not normally write like this, as you probably already know, but I thought it'd be fun to write like a little kid for once. So have fun.

Side Story #1: Kyo and the Post-it Note

One day Kyo, a boy who could turn into a cat, was sitting in his house. He was very bored. Everyone had gone out for the day leaving him all alone.

He saw a spot of yellow on the floor next to the desk in Shigure's office. This intrigued him. He went over and picked up the yellow spot, which turned out to be an ordinary Post-it note. It must have fallen off the desk. Kyo looked around the desk but saw no other Post-it notes. He figured he would just leave the little paper on the desk for Shigure to deal with when he got home. But it stuck to him!

He tried shaking his hand to get it to come off, but it didn't work. He pulled it off with his other hand and walked out of the room, glad to be rid of the Post-it. Or so he thought. As he walked he noticed the yellow paper was still stuck to his hand! He bit at it in attempt to free himself, but only caused the infernal square of sticky paper to stick on his face. Now it was really a problem, because he certainly couldn't chew it to death.

At that moment, Shigure, a man who could turn into a dog, walked through the front door, followed by Yuki, a boy who could turn into a rat.

"Kyo-kun!" Shigure called. "Are you still home?"

Kyo immediately hid in the kitchen, where he was discovered by Yuki.

"Kyo, why do you have a Post-it note on your face?" Yuki asked.

"Because..." Kyo responded. "I just... I don't know... leave me alone."

"Sure" Yuki muttered and walked away.

Kyo spied on Shigure, who was walking into his office, facing away from the rest of the house. Kyo walked up behind Shigure and rubbed his face in Shigure's hair. Finally he was rid of the Post-it note!

"Kyo!" Shigure exclaimed as he turned around. "What are you doing?"

Kyo looked away and said innocently "Nothing."

Shigure shook his head and started to walk into his study when Yuki appeared. He seemed to be everywhere today. Both Kyo and Shigure looked at him as if he'd appeared out of thin air.

"Shii-san?" Yuki asked. "Why do you have a Post-it note in your hair?" He looked at Kyo, then at Shigure, then pointed at Kyo. "You!" he exclaimed.

"What?" Shigure asked. He reached back to retrieve the Post-it note from his hair. "Kyo?"

Yuki glared at Kyo accusingly.

Kyo ran.

Yuki ran faster.


	3. Outtake 1

Outtakes are all done in the form of skits, as if they were taken out of a movie. This is the way they work. Thank you.  
Here we have outtake number one, which has to do with censorship errors. Strong language I warn you!  
(...)-actions because asterisks don't work  
/beep/-that bleep sound the censors make when then censor a word

Outtake #1: Censorship Uncensored  
featuring Yuki, Kyo, Tokimi, Hatori and the Editors

_Yuki is half asleep as he walks down the stairs wearing a gothic Lolita style dress. He dressed himself in his sleep and he knew how to put it on too._

Yuki: (looks down) Fuck. /beep/

Yuki: Ah! What was that?

Kyo: (looks up) What?

Yuki: Didn't you hear it?

Kyo: Hear what?

Yuki: That beep!

Kyo: What beep?

Yuki: (glance glance) (mutters) Fuck. /beep/

Yuki: That one!

Kyo: ... (walks away)

Hatori: (walks in from the hall) (reading) What are you swearing about? (looks up) Oh my god... (walks away)

Yuki: ...

Tokimi: (in the kitchen) What's wrong with you Ha'ri?

Hatori: Yuki... he's wearing a... (ahem) a dress...

Tokimi: (perks up) Where? I want a picture! (runs to the stairs) Yuki-chan! (hugs) You're so pretty!

Yuki: ... (sweatdrops)

Tokimi: (walks back into the kitchen) It's not right.

Hatori: Of course it's not! Men aren't supposed to wear dresses.

Tokimi: Of course they are! (ahem) I mean... yes, you're right. But he didn't know...

Kyo: (walks in) I'm hungry!

Hatori: Too bad.

Tokimi: Piss off, neko.

Kyo: Fuck you. /beep/ (runs off) I heard it! I heard it!

Yuki: I told you so. (walks upstairs to change)

Tokimi: (chasing after Kyo with her giant hammer/axe)

_A few minutes later..._

Yuki: (from upstairs) How the hell /beep/ do you get this thing off?

_Elsewhere..._

Editor A: Can we fix that?

Editor B: No, the budget won't allow it.

Editor A: Couldn't we just take it out?

Editor B: The budget won't allow it.

Editor A: But we haven't even put it in the movie yet.

Editor B: The budget won't allow it!

Editor A: But...

Editor B: THE BUDGET WON'T ALLOW IT! (runs away)


	4. Outtake 2

Mintyfresh Productions Inc. brings you outtake number two, which focuses on the scene where Akito and Shigure are on the porch talking.  
(...)-actions because asterisks don't work  
/beep/-that bleep sound the censors make when then censor a word

Outtake #2: Take Twelve  
featuring Akito, Shigure, Haru, Tokimi and the Director

Director: Ok, chapter one, scene five, take two. (snap)

Akito: ... if she goes to your house first, tell her... not to visit.

Shigure: (nods)

(knock at the door)

Akito: (stands up quickly, ready to run, but trips over the hem of his robes and falls on his face)

Shigure: (snicker snicker) (laughs)

Akito: (glare)

Director: Cut!

Everyone: (gets into position)

Director: Take three. (snap)

Akito: ... if she goes to your house first, tell her... not to visit.

Shigure: (nods)

(knock at the door)

Shigure: (answers the door)

Haru: (stares) Akito-kun! What are you doing?

Akito: (blink) What? Who are you?

Haru: (sweatdrops) Kimi-san...

Tokimi: Hmm? Oh, yes... (throws a one yen coin at Akito)

Coin: (hits Akito on the head) I WIN!

Akito: (freaks out) The coin can talk? (runs away)

Director: Cut!

_Some time later..._

Director: Come on people, get it together. Now, take twelve in...

Tokimi: (bursts out laughing for no apparent reason)

Director: And what, may I ask, is so funny?

Tokimi: I don't know... (shrugs)

Director: Are you ready?

Tokimi: (nods)

Director: Ok, take twelve in three... two... (snap)

Akito: ... if she goes to your house first, tell her... not to visit.

Shigure: (nods)

(knock at the door)

Shigure: (answers the door)

(slam from somewhere inside the house)

Director: (grin)

Haru: I see Akito-sama was expecting us.

Shigure: Yes, it would seem so. (walks out the door)

Haru and Shigure: (start to perform random dance moves)

Tokimi: (glomps them both)

Director: Cut! You guys!

Akito: (hugs the director and walks backstage)

Director: Alright everybody, break. (walks backstage)


End file.
